


Happy Birthday, Will

by ICryYouMercy (TrafalgarsLaw)



Category: 16th & 17th Century CE RPF, Historical RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, birthday fic for will
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-23
Updated: 2014-04-23
Packaged: 2018-01-20 13:12:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1511753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrafalgarsLaw/pseuds/ICryYouMercy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>this is a mostly normal day, and Will refuses to believe anything else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Happy Birthday, Will

**Author's Note:**

> It's William Shakespeare's Birthday today, and that means birthday fic.

Today is a day like any other, as far as Will is concerned. And he refuses to acknowledge that there might be anything even remotely special or noteworthy about today's date. So he gets up in the morning, and has last night's pizza for breakfast.

And then he realises that if he is early for class, Ben or Kit might catch him, and they might talk to him, and then his whole plan might just fall apart, because they might say something, and then others might too, and then people would end up wishing him things, and he might have to shake hands, and he very, very insistently does not want any of that.

So he ties his shoes, and spends a few minutes debating whether the weather is warm enough to skip a sweater and just put on a scarf instead, and then he wastes a few more minutes fiddling with the scarf he picked, and class starts in five minutes, so now he actually has to hurry.

And he is late, of course he is, just thirty seconds, but the lecturer doesn't even look up, so Will sits down as close to the door as he can, and doesn't say anything, and starts taking notes. There are a number of people he knows scattered throughout the room, Kit almost falling asleep against Tom's shoulder, and one more Tom taking notes on what Will sincerely hopes are not heart-shaped post-it-notes, and there's Ben, a few rows back, trying to keep an eye on the three of them, in the futile hope of one day managing to avoid the disaster that will inevitably follow from close proximity of Kit and any Tom.

It's only a few moments before the end of the lecture when Tom seems to lose patience with being a pillow, and the sound Kit's head makes as it hits the small table in front of him startles the lecturer into a tirade about proper attendance and respect and appropriate hours for sleeping. Will decides to take advantage of such undeserved luck, and slips out of the room before anyone might get a chance to talk to him.

The next lecture, he decides to skip. It's not long before the holidays, and he has essays to finish. And he'd rather spend his time in some forgotten corner of the library, writing, than sitting in a lecture hall, listening to yet another student tragically misunderstand research, sources or history in general. And as much as he would usually enjoy making fun of them with Kit and their Toms, today is not a good day for that. And so he curls up in the library, section NF, bookshelves full of collections and encyclopaedias and anything older than seventy years. It's quiet here, and the concrete floor is cold against his back, and he could possibly go upstairs, find a table to work at. But it's quiet here, and no one will find him here and try to talk to him, so he stays.

He manages about a thousand words worth of essay, and then sleeps for half an hour, and reads some, and then goes to his next lecture, again just thirty seconds late. It's the last for today, and he isn't sure where to hide for the rest of the afternoon. The library might work, but he's already skipped lunch, and he needs more coffee, more tea, or something to eat, and none of those are allowed in any library he knows of.

And he is so busy wondering about how to escape that he manages to utterly miss his last opportunity to do so. And then there is a hand on his shoulder, and someone is talking to him. Will, of course, is ignoring them. Today is not a day where he talks to people, and he doesn't care much if people wish to talk to him, because it is not happening. There is, however, very little he can do about four people very determinedly moving him out of the lecture hall, and then downstairs, and then out of the building altogether.

At least no one seems to be trying to talk to him at the moment. Will is entirely prepared to enjoy this state of affairs for as long as he possibly can.

*  
There is a short moment, when they find themselves in front of what would, for most values of that word, count as their home. Will, of course, has a key. He won't be volunteering this information though. And he is fairly certain that neither Kit nor either of the Toms know where their keys currently are. Ben might or might not have a key, depending on factors like the exact time of day, the weather, the alcohol content of Kit's blood, the amount of coffee Ben's had that day, and whether or not having a key would make Will's life more annoying.

Of course, it is the middle of the afternoon, the weather is unobjectionable, Kit is mostly sober, there has been more than enough coffee, and Will would be very much annoyed if he had to dig out his own key from his schoolbag. Which means, of course, that Ben's key has gone mysteriously absent.

"Will, do you have a key?" one of the Toms starts the predictable questions.

Will decides that the most mature thing to do is to ignore him.

"We know you do," the other Tom tells him.

Will continues ignoring everyone.

"Do you need help finding your key?", the first Tom asks.

And this could turn into a problem, because either he has to stop ignoring them, which would run against his principles, or he tells them that no, he can find his key just fine, which would mean he has to volunteer the key, and then the horror will continue, or he tells then that he doesn't have the key, in which case they would probably assist him in finding it, which would involve gratuitous groping and flirting.

He decides that really, flirting and groping is pretty much what happens on average days, as well, and it will give him some more time before everything goes terrible. So he takes a carefully measured breath and says: "I don't have a key."

It takes a few seconds for the other four to realise that Will is obviously lying. And then Ben and Tom somehow get a hold of Will's schoolbag, and start emptying it in search for the key in question. And Kit and the other Tom (Kit's Tom, because Nashe would never touch Will _like that_ ) start searching Will's pockets. Very carefully and thoroughly, and standing a lot closer than searching someone's pockets would require. They are groping him. Of course they are, and Will is almost reluctantly entertained about it, because it's so incredibly like Kit, and it's almost adorable how contagious Kit's mannerisms and behaviours are.

After about two minutes of being covered in Kit and Kyd, Ben makes a sound of triumph and holds a key in front of Will's nose. Will tries to bite Ben's hand. Because he is an actual adult, and he does actual adult things like trying to bite things held in front of his face.

Ben makes a face at him, and then unlocks the door. Something happens, and then Will is outside of a closed door, with Kit hanging on his shoulders. This was not the original plan, and Will is not entirely certain of why or how this is happening. But he can't exactly be asking for clarification, because Kit is not going to be even the least bit helpful. But at least they've left him his schoolbag. He looks at the door, looks at Kit, and then settles on the stairs trying to get some work done. There is still an essay he needs to finish.

Kit doesn't let go of him, and it takes Will a while to figure out how to best arrange himself around the weight on his shoulders. Kit doesn't seem to mind the shoving and cursing in the least, pliantly accepting any sort of repositioning that does not require him to remove his arms from around Will's shoulders.

And so Will, after hiding for half of the day, and then panicking about being found and moved back home, and then being groped a whole lot, now finds himself on the wrong side of a closed door, with someone using him as a cuddly toy, and no one having made significant mention of today's date. It might not be what he expected, but it still is a great deal more agreeable than what he thought might happen. So he settles against Kit, who makes a surprisingly comfortable pillow, and goes back to his essay.

It's another few hundred words written before something happens behind the door. Will is not entirely certain what it is, but he is certain that nothing good that could happen inside a normal apartment should be this loud. He doesn't get too much time to consider this hypothesis though, because this is when the door clicks open again, and Kit somehow manages to turn off and remove Will's laptop, and drag both Will and his school things inside.

*  
Someone holds a hand over Will's eyes. Then someone else proceeds to pull a pillowcase over his head. Then he's turned in circles for a while. Then someone has him walk several steps forwards. And then someone tries to make him turn in circles again. And Will decides that no, enough is enough.

"You are aware that this is a white pillowcase? And therefore see-through?", he asks.

There is a moment of embarrassed silence. "No, not really," Tom finally admits.

Will sighs and removes the pillowcase again. "So, what is it exactly you are trying to hide from me here?", he asks.

There is a lot of shuffling feet and awkward mumbling. "Nothing," Tom says.

Will looks at him for a while. Then he looks at the other three. And then he pinches the bridge of his nose and tells himself that shouting will probably not make anyone act any more reasonable. So he turns to Ben, because someone has to have a plan for this situation, and Ben is the one most likely to be that someone.

"Well, it is your birthday today," Ben tells him. "We thought maybe you would like some cake?"

Will heaves a sigh. "It's not, not really, is it," he says. They have had this conversation before, and it hasn't led to anywhere useful, and he doesn't really want to have it again right now.

"It totally is," Kit protests. "We voted on this, and we agreed that it is today!"

Kit's Tom reaches over to slap him. "We didn't vote. We just didn't disagree for about two and a half seconds after you suggested it."

"That counts as voting!"

"It doesn't!"

Will turns back to Ben again. Kit and his Tom continue arguing.

"None of this is my fault," Ben says.

"Apart from how he came up with the whole plan," Nashe adds.

Ben takes this as his cue to start arguing with Nashe. Will looks between them, looks to Kit and his Tom, and goes to make himself some tea.

There is something on the kitchen counter. It has a cardboard box over it, and someone wrote 'this is not a cake' on that with great care. Will decides that it would clearly be better for his peace of mind not to investigate this too closely. Instead, he opens the cupboard that should, theoretically, contain tea. It does not. Instead, it contains something that is covered in rather garish wrapping paper. There is glitter involved. Will closes the cupboard and then opens it again, hoping that maybe then the thing will be gone. Instead, Tom shows up. Kit's Tom. He closes the cupboard again. "You're not supposed to open this," he tells Will.

Will considers kissing him for a second, and then reminds himself that this is Kyd, and he will not run away from being kissed the way Nashe would. Still, maybe it would serve as a few moment's distraction from whatever horrible thing they had planned for tonight. But before he can put that rather inadvisable plan into action, there are hands over his eyes, once again.

He considers saying something, and the settles for just giving in instead, and leans back against whoever is currently preventing him from seeing anything.

"You're kind of heavy when you do that," Ben tells him. He doesn't let go, though, so Will is not complaining. He lets himself be walked backwards and away from the cupboard and the terrible box of glitter. He even allows Ben to sit him down at the table, and he keeps his eyes closed even after Ben takes his hands away.

There is some movement happening, some shuffling and mumbling, and something is set down on the table in from of him. Then there is some more shuffling, and chairs being moved, and then Tom says: "You can look now."

Will opens his eyes. There is a cardboard box on the table. It still denies being a cake. In front of it, there is the glitter from the tea-cupboard. There is a card on it. And across from the table, Kyd and Kit are sitting in a way that should probably seem relaxed, but screams badly hidden anticipation instead. Ben is leaning against the kitchen counter a few steps further away. Nashe has apparently left the room.

Will picks up the card, hoping to find some sense in there, and possibly also something that would make this whole situation seem a bit less like either an abduction or the opening to a rather mediocre porn movie.

Of course, this being Will's alleged birthday, the card does neither of those things. Instead, it reads ' _I do not want to know any details. Have fun. Tom_ '. Will decides that he does not want to know any details either, and sets it aside.

Then he picks up the next thing. It glitters worryingly. Will pokes it a few times, and when it doesn't explode, he starts unwrapping it with great care. There is another cardboard box in there. It holds a lot of glitter. Will pokes it again. The glitter doesn't go away, and Will decides that no, Nashe can clean that up tomorrow, because there is no reason anything should have that much glitter. So he picks up the box, and turns it over. There is an avalanche of glitter, and then Will wishes he had not just done that.

He hadn't known that there were so many different sorts of condoms and lube. And he would have happily grown old not knowing this. But apparently, Nashe had decided he needed an education. Or a hint. Will isn't sure what would be worse.

Ben clears his throat, and Will looks to him, and immediately blushes. Ben grins at him. "You still have cake," he says.

Will considers being scared for several moments. Then he closes his eyes, takes away the cardboard box, counts to three, and looks at the cake.

The first thing he notices is that the cake is very, very bright pink. The second thing he notices is that the decoration is made up almost entirely of dicks. Will blinks at that a few times before he notices the third thing. There is something written on top of the cake, in golden sugar frosting. It's cursive, and upside-down, and Will thinks that maybe, he should just cut a piece out of it, eat the damn thing before he might be confronted with whatever it is his supposed friends are trying to inflict on him now. And then Kyd leans forward, and turns the plate with the cake a hundred and eighty degrees.

The bright golden letters glitter menacingly under the kitchen lamps. They read ' _foursome?_ '.


End file.
